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Thursday 29 August 2013

Just my luck.

     The college looked amazing, freshly bathed in yesterday's showers. That was the good part. The bad part: The ground was a mess of wet and squishy mud. Taking a deep breath, I entered the gate...
... And promptly stumbled on my own shoe lace. My arms stretched out to break the fall. A gaggle of girls behind me sniggered. So much for my first memorable moment of college.

I stood up and wiped the mud from my hands and adjusted my tie dignifiedly. The girls behind laughed still harder. Moving on into the campus, I began exploring it. It was big and I had arrived early to acquaint myself with it, after convincing my father that I would be fine and did not need him here.
Within fifteen minutes, I found myself standing restless outside the boys' restroom. In anticipation of my first day of college, I had hurried through breakfast and the morning call of nature, and here I was. A door opened on my right and before the guy next to me could claim the spot for his own, I stepped hurriedly into it. He hurled abuses at me as I locked the door and squatted down to relieve myself.
'At ease, soldier!', a scrawl read.
'Look before you shit', another advised.
I looked away, disgusted, only to find a hundred other scrawls proclaiming unheard of abuses, phone numbers, and philosophical thoughts of those who had come before me.
10 minutes later(don't ask), I stepped out of the restroom, washed my hands and resumed my exploring. I still had twenty minutes left to spare and I turned towards the steps leading to the library. I sat down facing the enquiry desk with a copy of 'Sa Adahm'. It was interesting, but soon my mind wandered. A girl arrived at the desk and enquired about the issue of a library card.
She was clearly a fresher like me, and had a pretty countenance. Her black hair flowed down her shoulders and curled at the end. She wore a white top and blue jeans with a patterned scarf wound round her slender neck.
 Boy, was I stumped.
She glanced at me and I realized that my mouth was hanging slightly open. I closed it and looked down. After a couple of seconds, I chanced a glance again, only to have it morph into a starry-eyed gaze. She looked at me again and a slight crease appeared on her fair forehead. I broke the gaze and looked down again. 
This went on for a while until the lady behind the desk gave a receipt and told her to come back the next day. She glanced at me one more time as she almost floated past gracefully, a hand swaying.
The incident left a sweet taste in my mouth. I hailed from a co-ed school, but there was seldom any interaction between the guys and girls. Besides, this was a metro city, where the girls were prettier than those from my modest town. 
I sauntered out of the library and up the steps to where my class was. Another lecture was on-going, though, so I waited outside with some freshers like me. The girl I had drooled over came walking down the corridor, a hand swaying ever so slightly.
She saw me, and made a beeline for me. My heart skipped a beat as I stumbled backwards a step. 
She came over and said,"Aren't you Akshay Aranthe's son?"
I was expecting something better, like,"You look immensely handsome. Can I have your number?" 
I gaped at her.
"Well?"
I found my voice and it sounded strangely cracked.
"Uh.. No, actually. He's my uncle. My dad's brother."
"Oh right! Ashish Aranthe's son then, right? He's my uncle, too, my dad's cousin. Don't you remember me? Archana?", she said.
The Archana I remembered was a rotund girl with a pimply face.
"Tempo?", I ventured.
She scowled,"I hate that name. But yeah. Which division are you in? I am in E."
"Uh, yeah, me too."
The bell tolled just then and I was spared any further conversation with Tempo.
I turned away without another word, cursing my luck.
That shouldn't have come as a surprise, I thought. A beautiful girl like her, she had to be your sister!
(A/N: This is a piece of fiction. Do leave a review!)

26 comments:

Unknown said...

Amazing. Keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

what bad luck brother, what bad luck !
thats why I used to suggest people to get what they like if its the first thing they can do~! And thats what I did too u know,
For starters remind me to ask more about this incident when i'll meet U again !
maybe the love~guru can help !~!

Raiyyan Shaikh

Govinda Gindodia said...

awesome
dum hai
call of nature lolz

Unknown said...

fictional story hai poori. Full fiction hai, bhai.

Unknown said...

well written. i guess u r following d footsteps of JK...........

Disha Kale said...

oho saad potter..... keep it up..
awsmn stry yr...

Unknown said...

thanks... JK to abhi dur hai.

Muzammil Husain Shaikh said...

1 number
Thoda aisa likho jo aam janta ko samjh mein bhi aye
Vocab is too complex for a normal reader
Though I appreciate ur vocab

Unknown said...

Well it was good on par wid ur previous posts...bt the toilet humour seemed forced

Raiyyan Shaikh said...

dude your writing is amazing man, i love reading it and i read all

veeram shah said...

I like bout d way you describe little things.and a description which i guess everyone experiences when ones college life begins...

Unknown said...

well this is nowhere near your best's but that last line made it all worth reading . i have always said those sarcastic and slightly arrogant one liners are one of the best tools of your repertoire . but overall i expect better , way better !

Unknown said...

Now this is what i call a review! Thanks a lot! Brain waves utne nahi aa rahe hai abhi but try karuga. Thanks again! Aur pehchaan waalo mein recommend bhi kar

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karishma sonawane said...

Hmmmmm
Good1...
Bt u can much beetr den dis1..

Anonymous said...

Nyc work........slight improvement chaiye........coz it was quite predictable dat she turns out 2 b ur sis!!!..:)


Ayesha

Unknown said...

Secret suspense thodi na tha woh. It was meant to be an offhand story. Thanks for the review!

Anonymous said...

But still I believe u cud hv done smthnn else out thr!!!!

Prachi Rizwani said...

it's just amazing & i liked the u expressed it....waiting for more better

M Khan said...

awesome man .. this was a good short post.. i would encourage you to continue .. keep giving new twists and turns using the same characters in your next blog posts .. this way .. it will give you a good experience on how to write a long story and you will soon learn to channel your thoughts accordingly ! Good job :)

Unknown said...

Thanks bhai! Yeh continue karne ki baat socha nahi tha maine, content aaya toh koshish karta hu! Thanks again for the review!

Anonymous said...

I'll start by writing that for someone of your age-group, you wrote very well. Good use of expressions to describe the environment around you and your 'first-timer's experience'.

Having said that let's get to the constructive criticism.
1. Your expressions are outdated, cliched and repetitive of what is already available in the writer's pool. I'm not saying they are bad but they are too often used by every random blogger or informal writer out their.
2. Part of the story seemed too unbelievable like 'guy hurled abuses at me cause I wanted to shit first'. Who does that? And even if someone does that do you let him get away with it?
Also 'come like a racer...' is a line made famous by Facebook users which is the worst kind of source a reader expects in a writing. Either invent your own or quote someone (known or unknown) and it should be something which your reader finds really intriguing or funny (that line was your best bet to make this post a bit comical and you blew it this time).
3. You need to read more and read shit loads. From your previous posts I can safely assume you want to go in the direction of the likes of Chetan Bhagat and Karan Bajaj. It's cool. But I'll give you a serious advice based on my experience.
You have to read deeper and harder stuff to write the lighter stuff. Incidentally the authors that I have just mentioned (among others who share this genre) also happen to be those who have read shit loads on a wide range of topics and authors to finally give birth to their own original voice; something which is of the utmost importance if you want to create something of value.
4. Edit your blog to make it more readable. Change the text alignment from mid to left. Use simpler fonts like Verdana or Calibri.

Finally, and again, read more. The internet has so many freaking good bloggers. Do a random search for anyone on google. Follow them. Read them. Analyze how they write. Imitate it in your style (yes I said IMITATE) till you find your own voice.
Cheers.

A friend of your friend who asked me to review your writing.

Anonymous said...

Zzz, made a stupid ass mistake of hurriedly writing 'their' instead of 'there' in the first point.
Another important lesson here for me and you - always review what you've written for grammatical errors.

Unknown said...

Awesome! The kind of review i was dying for! Thanks a ton!
Agree on almost all your points like outdated expression waala.
about that racer joke: I am not so dumb as to post such a common joke in my story. I wrote about it in the next line, but most people don't seem to get it; I am gonna omit it now. About reading, I do read. Though how much reading is considered plenty, i don't know. And God forbid that i follow in the footsteps of Chetan Bhagat.
I don't get a lot of brainwaves nowadays, but that'll pass, hopefully. I have been searching for a good story for a long time, to little avail. Hence these mediocre posts.
Thanks a lot again!! Do review the rest of the posts! And yeah, gonna change the alignment of the text now.

Umair Khan said...

Welcome to the world of 'college'!A phase of up's and downs,friendship love joy..take the best from it!

Unknown said...

i could completely picture it all...enjoyed it :)