I stared down the blackness, my feelings a mixture of queasiness and exultation. The void seemed almost impenetrable, as if it were a veil, a barrier instead of empty space. The breeze blew past ever so slightly, brushing my cheeks like the tender hands of a lover... a lover.
The moon was at its full, shining benignly down at the scene, casting shadows wherever the trees behind me cut through its light. The faint smell of wet mud hung in the air, stirring up memories of childhood. Everything looked beautiful, breathtaking, as if in mockery of my plight. An excellent place to die.
I had thought over this a lot. Gave myself every counter I could imagine, every point that they said in those shows; how suicide is pointless and it doesn't serve any purpose.
An utter load of crap.
Suicide is never meant to assist in your worries. It's meant to relieve. It doesn't make you a coward. It proves you're brave enough to accept defeat when it's inevitable, rather than mope in denial.
How they love to talk about hope! That's what makes us humans, they say. Hope makes fools out of us, not humans. It's the same thing, I guess.
Barren couples hoping for a child, an orphan hoping for his parents to arrive, a sinner hoping for redemption, a devout hoping for the divine glimpse, the wronged hoping for justice, the captured hoping for mercy, and above all, the hope of a lover.
She wasn't the bitch, no. I was the one wagging my tail, my tongue lolling out disgustingly. She owned me, and I let her leash me. I let her claim me, rule me, master me. I remember the day we became a couple. My joy knew no bounds, and my feet wouldn't stay on the ground.
Aah, to go back in time and undo it all! To shake my past self and wake him up from the daze he'd been walking in, not realizing it would end here, standing over this abyss. She'd left me, they all do in the end.
Meh, she was a bitch!
I took in my surroundings again. The grass was wet with dew and patches of moss hugged the few rocks lying about. The leaves made no noise even as the tree tops swayed eerily. Everything was bathed in moonlight, everything except the pit which sat gaping before me, waiting for its meal. I tried to discern some details through the dark, but it was in vain.
On an impulse, I kicked off my slippers and stood barefoot on the grass, sighing as its wetness soothed me.
"Seems surreal, eh?"
I whirled around, my heart thudding painfully against my chest.
A man stood at the edge of the clearing, just a little ahead of the line of trees.
"I'm so sorry, didn't mean to scare you like this. Are you all right?"
He wore black trousers and a blue shirt folded at the sleeves. Even though I could hardly make out his face from this distance, he exuded a sense of ease, an aura of calmness.
"Uh, I didn't think anyone came up here at this hour."
"Nobody does, not after that last incident. You know, involving those couple of girls who...?"
"Yeah, who burnt themselves in a freak accident."
"Yes. I've been coming here long since before that. Even with all those suicides happening, they didn't think to have this place closed to the public."
"It was a gruesome accident. They had to show some action had been taken."
"Yeah, well. I enjoy the new-found solitude."
It seemed unreal, me talking to this stranger while contemplating my own death, and using words like 'contemplate' to think about it.
He walked forward, and his features sharpened to my eyes. He was a handsome individual, no doubt about that. It struck me as incredibly weird that he should be in a habit of taking a stroll at that time of the night when even whispers tend to hush themselves.
"I know. It's odd for you to encounter me here. Believe me, I know. It's just... I feel calm here, whenever I get agitated, or simply to have a quiet moment with myself."
I laughed nervously. "You're not agitated right now, are you?"
He snorted and shook his head.
Sitting down on a boulder in front of me, he pulled up his legs to the chest and rested his chin on his knees. I realized that I'd been standing limply, and suddenly felt self-conscious. I put my hands in my pockets and exhaled audibly.
"Heartbreak, was it?"
"Huh?" I blinked, not comprehending.
"Your reason for being up here. Heartbreak?" he asked casually.
"Wha--? How--"
"Oh, come on. It's written all over your face, my dear fellow. You didn't come up here for a walk. You came here to die."
The sheer nonchalance with which he threw that last statement left me reeling, and I felt the blood drain from my face.
"Don't worry about it. It's quite normal. Crappy stuff like that happens every once in a while."
"I-- I..." stuttering, I heaved a deep breath to steady myself. "Yes, yeah. I... I came here to die."
"Hey, if you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine, really."
"No, no. It's OK. And yes, it is a heartbreak."
"Is a heartbreak, eh? I guess you haven't gotten over it... which is the whole point of your presence here. They all leave us, one day or the other. She elope with another one? Probably wealthier than thou?"
"She died. Tumour. They said it wasn't that fatal. Claimed her in the end."
I had never talked to anyone else about it, so I had no idea why I was opening up to this stranger. Perhaps because there was little or no chance of us meeting again.
"Oh."
He said that as if it were a declaration in itself, and it hung in the cool air, floating around my head.
"'Bout sums it up."
"That's some reason."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know, most of the suicides, they revolve around a person leaving them for another, or failure, or simply fear of the society. Stupid excuses for being spineless. Your reason-- reason, I say-- is a genuine one. I like it."
"You like my reason for killing myself?"
"Absolutely."
I decided I liked this stranger. It's not everyday you come across someone who can say that he likes your reason for suicide.
"You ever had a heartbreak?"
"Yeah. A bad one. And I didn't take it so well, whatever I said before. I didn't take it well, and realized I was being a whiner after it was too late. Better too late than never, huh?"
"Yes, but I've had enough of it. It just doesn't appeal to me."
"I've been where you are. Love is a fickle thing? Hell, no! We are the weak ones, the ones easily beguiled. Love is powerful, ruthless. All-consuming. We are just puppets, mate."
"Some deep shit there."
"Tell you what. Don't kill yourself. I know it's not my place to say so, but don't kill yourself. I like you, and I think you'll go places."
"I have no will, none. I've already surrendered."
"Who says you can't enjoy life in prison? Consider it as a sentence. Complete your term."
"You mean just go through life listlessly?"
"Exactly. Till you find something else to focus your attention on. You must have a dream, man. Pursue it. But if things still go downhill, you can always come back up here. Heck, I'll be right behind you to give you the encouraging nudge."
"So I walk aimlessly around, with my free coupons of life, until I find something worth spending them on. And if I don't, I just come back here and end the game?"
"Yup. You could even do something illegal, commit a big crime. Have the police chase you up here. Then you mock this world one last time, and take the jump."
"That's... a piece of genius. Nobody ever put it that way."
"Maybe you didn't let them."
The moon was at its full, shining benignly down at the scene, casting shadows wherever the trees behind me cut through its light. The faint smell of wet mud hung in the air, stirring up memories of childhood. Everything looked beautiful, breathtaking, as if in mockery of my plight. An excellent place to die.
I had thought over this a lot. Gave myself every counter I could imagine, every point that they said in those shows; how suicide is pointless and it doesn't serve any purpose.
An utter load of crap.
Suicide is never meant to assist in your worries. It's meant to relieve. It doesn't make you a coward. It proves you're brave enough to accept defeat when it's inevitable, rather than mope in denial.
How they love to talk about hope! That's what makes us humans, they say. Hope makes fools out of us, not humans. It's the same thing, I guess.
Barren couples hoping for a child, an orphan hoping for his parents to arrive, a sinner hoping for redemption, a devout hoping for the divine glimpse, the wronged hoping for justice, the captured hoping for mercy, and above all, the hope of a lover.
She wasn't the bitch, no. I was the one wagging my tail, my tongue lolling out disgustingly. She owned me, and I let her leash me. I let her claim me, rule me, master me. I remember the day we became a couple. My joy knew no bounds, and my feet wouldn't stay on the ground.
Aah, to go back in time and undo it all! To shake my past self and wake him up from the daze he'd been walking in, not realizing it would end here, standing over this abyss. She'd left me, they all do in the end.
Meh, she was a bitch!
I took in my surroundings again. The grass was wet with dew and patches of moss hugged the few rocks lying about. The leaves made no noise even as the tree tops swayed eerily. Everything was bathed in moonlight, everything except the pit which sat gaping before me, waiting for its meal. I tried to discern some details through the dark, but it was in vain.
On an impulse, I kicked off my slippers and stood barefoot on the grass, sighing as its wetness soothed me.
"Seems surreal, eh?"
I whirled around, my heart thudding painfully against my chest.
A man stood at the edge of the clearing, just a little ahead of the line of trees.
"I'm so sorry, didn't mean to scare you like this. Are you all right?"
He wore black trousers and a blue shirt folded at the sleeves. Even though I could hardly make out his face from this distance, he exuded a sense of ease, an aura of calmness.
"Uh, I didn't think anyone came up here at this hour."
"Nobody does, not after that last incident. You know, involving those couple of girls who...?"
"Yeah, who burnt themselves in a freak accident."
"Yes. I've been coming here long since before that. Even with all those suicides happening, they didn't think to have this place closed to the public."
"It was a gruesome accident. They had to show some action had been taken."
"Yeah, well. I enjoy the new-found solitude."
It seemed unreal, me talking to this stranger while contemplating my own death, and using words like 'contemplate' to think about it.
He walked forward, and his features sharpened to my eyes. He was a handsome individual, no doubt about that. It struck me as incredibly weird that he should be in a habit of taking a stroll at that time of the night when even whispers tend to hush themselves.
"I know. It's odd for you to encounter me here. Believe me, I know. It's just... I feel calm here, whenever I get agitated, or simply to have a quiet moment with myself."
I laughed nervously. "You're not agitated right now, are you?"
He snorted and shook his head.
Sitting down on a boulder in front of me, he pulled up his legs to the chest and rested his chin on his knees. I realized that I'd been standing limply, and suddenly felt self-conscious. I put my hands in my pockets and exhaled audibly.
"Heartbreak, was it?"
"Huh?" I blinked, not comprehending.
"Your reason for being up here. Heartbreak?" he asked casually.
"Wha--? How--"
"Oh, come on. It's written all over your face, my dear fellow. You didn't come up here for a walk. You came here to die."
The sheer nonchalance with which he threw that last statement left me reeling, and I felt the blood drain from my face.
"Don't worry about it. It's quite normal. Crappy stuff like that happens every once in a while."
"I-- I..." stuttering, I heaved a deep breath to steady myself. "Yes, yeah. I... I came here to die."
"Hey, if you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine, really."
"No, no. It's OK. And yes, it is a heartbreak."
"Is a heartbreak, eh? I guess you haven't gotten over it... which is the whole point of your presence here. They all leave us, one day or the other. She elope with another one? Probably wealthier than thou?"
"She died. Tumour. They said it wasn't that fatal. Claimed her in the end."
I had never talked to anyone else about it, so I had no idea why I was opening up to this stranger. Perhaps because there was little or no chance of us meeting again.
"Oh."
He said that as if it were a declaration in itself, and it hung in the cool air, floating around my head.
"'Bout sums it up."
"That's some reason."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you know, most of the suicides, they revolve around a person leaving them for another, or failure, or simply fear of the society. Stupid excuses for being spineless. Your reason-- reason, I say-- is a genuine one. I like it."
"You like my reason for killing myself?"
"Absolutely."
I decided I liked this stranger. It's not everyday you come across someone who can say that he likes your reason for suicide.
"You ever had a heartbreak?"
"Yeah. A bad one. And I didn't take it so well, whatever I said before. I didn't take it well, and realized I was being a whiner after it was too late. Better too late than never, huh?"
"Yes, but I've had enough of it. It just doesn't appeal to me."
"I've been where you are. Love is a fickle thing? Hell, no! We are the weak ones, the ones easily beguiled. Love is powerful, ruthless. All-consuming. We are just puppets, mate."
"Some deep shit there."
"Tell you what. Don't kill yourself. I know it's not my place to say so, but don't kill yourself. I like you, and I think you'll go places."
"I have no will, none. I've already surrendered."
"Who says you can't enjoy life in prison? Consider it as a sentence. Complete your term."
"You mean just go through life listlessly?"
"Exactly. Till you find something else to focus your attention on. You must have a dream, man. Pursue it. But if things still go downhill, you can always come back up here. Heck, I'll be right behind you to give you the encouraging nudge."
"So I walk aimlessly around, with my free coupons of life, until I find something worth spending them on. And if I don't, I just come back here and end the game?"
"Yup. You could even do something illegal, commit a big crime. Have the police chase you up here. Then you mock this world one last time, and take the jump."
"That's... a piece of genius. Nobody ever put it that way."
"Maybe you didn't let them."
"Hehe. Anyway, thanks, man. Thank you."
"Don't mention it. Think about what I said."
"Yeah. I don't even know who you are."
"Just your regular stranger you meet now and then in the dead of the night."
"So we don't share our identities?"
"Best that way, don't you think?"
"Yeah. Yeah. You're right."
He stood up and rubbed his eyes.
"See you never, hopefully."
"Sure."
"Sure."
He started walking away.
I turned around, facing the inky blackness once again.
I don't know why, but I asked, "How did you get over your heartbreak? You had someone else who spoke some sense, too?"
"Who said I got over it?"
"What do you mean?" I said, turning around.
He was nearing the crowd of trees by then. Halting abruptly and turning towards me, he grinned, "I wish you hadn't asked me that."
His form flickered... flickered?
It swayed with the wind like a mirage.
Bewildered, I took a couple of horrified steps backwards and accidentally kicked one of my slippers. Risking a glance back on instinct, I glimpsed it get gulped down by the darkness.
I snapped my head back ahead, and saw his face, his grotesque face, directly in front of me, terrifyingly close.
His dead, glassy eyes regarded me with ghoulish amusement, and a ghastly smile spread over his rotting skin.
I fell backwards into the cold emptiness.
I don't know if I screamed. I must have.
I don't know if I screamed. I must have.
***
The stranger sighed, and then chuckled.
"This was even more fun than those burning lasses!" he said, succumbing to a fit of giggles.
7 comments:
Really liked it
Keep it up
I love it. Especially the end. Dude, this was a good piece. I never thought it would end that way. And you should continue writing like this. No matter how murderous you are, you always include a little romance in it. Sometimes creepy but it's tasteful.
Ok. Two things. One: I didn't know you used swear words in your writing so that didn't seem like you in the story. It kinda jumped at me. But that's just how I perceive your writing.
Two: I thought you compromised a good story to make it dark, that it could've been more if it didn't have the last three lines or something. That's your style and you know I would never tell you as an author to change your style or content but the ending seemed forced. Like you added that end to give the story a bang end because you had nothing else.
Sorry! It seems a bit harsh! SO SORRY. I really like the thing and how you wrote it, I just had these two issues.
too much for a neophyte !
Story was alright ahoy but the way it traveled it had few important quotes for life. Enjoyed it & you really made the ending complicated and I understood 69 % of the story ending. .. Raiyyan
This piece is one of ur better works in terms of ss stories...narrative was fluid and ending was unexpected...keep shocking n rocking
Read this on fb earlier. Seemed different from your earlier works so was not sure if it was yours.I have this to say. You've certainly come a long way. This work certainly indicates depth and maturity.There's a quantum leap in the quality of work.Great piece of writing. However, as someone has pointed out, the end seems a bit contrived. Could have been better.
You have a bright future. Keep it up. I'm sure you'll do very well in your field All the best .I don't check msgs on ph. so it's only when I log in with my laptop, I can see the msgs.
Chandrika Shah.
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