The woman had a furtive look in her eyes, a look of sheer terror. Her actions were sudden, and her lips had come together as if to stifle a scream. She ran up to the lift and jabbed the call button savagely. The lift had been on the eighth floor, her own. She cursed out loud.
She had to get home, she had to get--
A car entered the parking lot with an ear-splitting screech. His car. She felt her heart thunder against her ribcage. He was here.
The lift was on the fifth floor now. There was no time.
Clutching the package securely in her hands, she started up the stairs. They were lit with orange fluorescent lamps, and her shadow crashed into the walls as she hurtled forward. Two steps at a time, two steps at a time. Hardly had she reached the first floor that she had to stop for a breath.
Two-steps was asking a bit too much from herself. Steady now, she must be steady. She began her labour again, not leaping, but running. Six more floors to go.
She'd seen him approaching when she was at the bakery, and had almost shrieked in panic. Leaving everybody gaping after her, she'd bounded across the street.
No time to lose, a few more floors. Just a little bit more. She had to get home before he--
The lift's music interrupted her thoughts. It had reached the ground floor. A shuddering gasp clawed through her lips. He was in no hurry, of course. He would come by the lift, at his leisure.
She was in a daze as she rounded the corner of the fifth floor. She'd heard about it so many times, but now she felt how it actually was to have your legs turn to lead, to have your muscles turn to jelly. Her arms, too, had gotten heavy. Every breath felt like swallowing a mouthful of acid.
The lights were off on the stairs leading to the sixth floor. She stumbled, and the package almost slipped from her fingers. She inhaled three short, rapid bursts of air, and advanced slowly and carefully. There was no point to it if anything happened to the package.
Two more floors. Just two to--
The little LED panel showed the lift on the third floor. Now the fourth. She finally cried out loud and flung herself forward. Someone had put some furniture on the stairs there. She kicked them out of her way heedlessly, her muscles revolting in agony.
Had he seen her? Outside on the street? Near the lift? Was it all in vain, then?
She shook her head to scatter away the thought, and smashed into a wall. The LED blinked the number six. Tremendously exhausted and out of breath, she finally staggered onto the eighth.
803.
The bell. Once. Twice. Thrice. The fourth time.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
She drew back her fist again just as the door flew open. Her daughter stared at her, and the lift chimed to a halt. She stumbled into the house, and shoved the package into her daughter's arms.
"Get this inside! Quick!"
Her daughter cleared away as she turned around and hastily wiped the sweat off her face. He stepped out of the lift and stopped in his tracks, looking at her.
What a mess she must have made of herself! She could control her breathing, but her heartbeat hadn't quite returned to normal. She smoothed her hair and smiled at him.
"You're home early." Hushed voices shuffled in the living room.
"Yeah. It is a special occasion, after all. The manager gave me half the day off as a gesture. You look devastating. And beautiful." He kicked off his shoes.
"It's about to get a bit more special," she whispered as he stepped in.
The living room erupted with screams of "Surprise!" and "Happy Birthday!". She looked towards the centre and was relieved to see the cake sitting there, unspoiled and perfect.
She sighed. So much trouble for cream and dough. And then she looked at him. He was grinning at her, and she rejoiced to see that he hadn't been expecting this.
That look was enough to quieten her unruly heart. He took her in his arms as the crowd cheered.
The horror had finally passed.
---------
Had to get this story done and over with. So if it seems a bit rough, apologies. Leave reviews!
She had to get home, she had to get--
A car entered the parking lot with an ear-splitting screech. His car. She felt her heart thunder against her ribcage. He was here.
The lift was on the fifth floor now. There was no time.
Clutching the package securely in her hands, she started up the stairs. They were lit with orange fluorescent lamps, and her shadow crashed into the walls as she hurtled forward. Two steps at a time, two steps at a time. Hardly had she reached the first floor that she had to stop for a breath.
Two-steps was asking a bit too much from herself. Steady now, she must be steady. She began her labour again, not leaping, but running. Six more floors to go.
She'd seen him approaching when she was at the bakery, and had almost shrieked in panic. Leaving everybody gaping after her, she'd bounded across the street.
No time to lose, a few more floors. Just a little bit more. She had to get home before he--
The lift's music interrupted her thoughts. It had reached the ground floor. A shuddering gasp clawed through her lips. He was in no hurry, of course. He would come by the lift, at his leisure.
She was in a daze as she rounded the corner of the fifth floor. She'd heard about it so many times, but now she felt how it actually was to have your legs turn to lead, to have your muscles turn to jelly. Her arms, too, had gotten heavy. Every breath felt like swallowing a mouthful of acid.
The lights were off on the stairs leading to the sixth floor. She stumbled, and the package almost slipped from her fingers. She inhaled three short, rapid bursts of air, and advanced slowly and carefully. There was no point to it if anything happened to the package.
Two more floors. Just two to--
The little LED panel showed the lift on the third floor. Now the fourth. She finally cried out loud and flung herself forward. Someone had put some furniture on the stairs there. She kicked them out of her way heedlessly, her muscles revolting in agony.
Had he seen her? Outside on the street? Near the lift? Was it all in vain, then?
She shook her head to scatter away the thought, and smashed into a wall. The LED blinked the number six. Tremendously exhausted and out of breath, she finally staggered onto the eighth.
803.
The bell. Once. Twice. Thrice. The fourth time.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
She drew back her fist again just as the door flew open. Her daughter stared at her, and the lift chimed to a halt. She stumbled into the house, and shoved the package into her daughter's arms.
"Get this inside! Quick!"
Her daughter cleared away as she turned around and hastily wiped the sweat off her face. He stepped out of the lift and stopped in his tracks, looking at her.
What a mess she must have made of herself! She could control her breathing, but her heartbeat hadn't quite returned to normal. She smoothed her hair and smiled at him.
"You're home early." Hushed voices shuffled in the living room.
"Yeah. It is a special occasion, after all. The manager gave me half the day off as a gesture. You look devastating. And beautiful." He kicked off his shoes.
"It's about to get a bit more special," she whispered as he stepped in.
The living room erupted with screams of "Surprise!" and "Happy Birthday!". She looked towards the centre and was relieved to see the cake sitting there, unspoiled and perfect.
She sighed. So much trouble for cream and dough. And then she looked at him. He was grinning at her, and she rejoiced to see that he hadn't been expecting this.
That look was enough to quieten her unruly heart. He took her in his arms as the crowd cheered.
The horror had finally passed.
---------
Had to get this story done and over with. So if it seems a bit rough, apologies. Leave reviews!
13 comments:
Well not much to say . writing skills good as ever , perhaps improving too ! Rest was mediocre.. 3/5 .
It is the other way around this time! Nerve-wracking to light-hearted -- I liked that. Well written!
It has been written beautifully...Seemed like a different story first and then transformed into a romantic surprise!..Well done.
"How? NO! Ooh, what then? Phew, finally. Wait, what?"
That's how I went over it, mentally. It was not very complex. Simple writing but a good piece, nonetheless. Good job!
Unexpected,unpredictable and intriguing...never would have guessed the end. Deserves applause. Well done!
As always well done saad
Really liked it
I dont know how but after some time i kind of was expecting, had it kept as one of the theories
really liked it
well written
Well done! Loved the transistion which was offcourse unexpected. Great job!
It was enthralling,gripping, intense and full of suspense. Superbly well written. Great job! Keep writing.
Well you've got a perfect hand when it comes to writing these suspense scenes! The way you build up the anticipation and the terror is brilliant. The plot twist is a little bittersweet for me. On one hand, I'm glad it turned out that way because it perfectly describes these complex emotions in our everyday setting. On the other hand, I kind of still wanted 'more' from the story. Overall, it's a well written and engaging piece. Well done!
well its intresting & cool..... actually loved the suspense ..never expected the end will b with a birthday surpise
One of my favorites.
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